WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
