We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
where are my eyebrows?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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