2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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