Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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