I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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