he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
