so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
