So drunk its hurt
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone shattered a urinal.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
