Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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