I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
