How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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