Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
