i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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