I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
