I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
