How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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