i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even my vagina gasped.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
