Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
