When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
