ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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