you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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