Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
