yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
