Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
