Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
