I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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