I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
