When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
