dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
