I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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