I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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