You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
