He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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