I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
