Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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