I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
