Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
