just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
