Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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