Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize