I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
