Your face is a jimmy john
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
