And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
