This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
