So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she told me i tasted like america
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
