he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
