So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
