Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
