remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize