My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
