My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
