ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
