Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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