all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
