I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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