I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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