Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
