rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
