I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
