He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
