I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
