So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have demons in me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
