im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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