highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize