i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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