Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
