Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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