i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
