you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
