it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Be still, my beating vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
