My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
